Unapologetic: Reclaiming My Body, My Story, and My Power

Reflecting on reactions to my pole work over the years

Four years ago, I went to my first pole class at Foxy Fitness and Pole right outside of NYC. I was struggling with postpartum depression and needed something to help me reconnect to my body and my artistic spirit. I had no idea that the transformational journey that was about to unfold would save my life.

This Substack is not about the journey, but rather, everyone’s reaction to it.

When I first started posting my pole videos on Instagram, my husband was triggered and confused. He didn’t understand why it was so important for me to document my pole journey publicly online. I didn’t know how to explain it to him without arguing and being overly defensive — the best way to get people to understand what's on your heart.

Instead of getting curious about why he was so upset, instead of trying to have a conversation, I just kept posting anyway. It caused tension in our marriage. We were already fighting a lot at that point, and it only made things worse. I thought he was wrong for not understanding and for trying to “police” my body. He thought I was wrong for not being able to have an open and calm conversation. It took a lot of introspection to explain my reasoning calmly, but I finally did. When I was able to talk to him without the ‘tude, he completely understood. Go figure. Not only did he understand, but he became extremely supportive.

Did I have a right to be angry, given that women’s bodies have been aggressively policed in modern society? Of course. Anger can fuel change, but when you’re quick to bite the hook, it is a pattern. This patterned anger leads

nowhere. The only way anger can fuel radical change is when it is coupled with action and a deep love for yourself and others.